so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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