: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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