i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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