You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
