I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize