I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize