Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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