Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
