This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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