is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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