i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Buhtt sex?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
