now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
