I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
