My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
