So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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