ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
