New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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