Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
