after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dick very happy bro
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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