you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
