i just sent this text using only my big toe
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
