the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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