My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
