I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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