So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize