just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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