YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
40s are totally the cure
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
