I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
