covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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