And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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