I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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