I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
