There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
