i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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