i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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