every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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