Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
