a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
