I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We need a shit load of segways right now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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