I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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