you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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