Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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