I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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