I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
