gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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