You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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