Your dad touched me again.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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