Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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