She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
