just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
