In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
