I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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