just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
