before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
