dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
