DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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