taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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