pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
