508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
