I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
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You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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