BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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