So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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