First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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