I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
