I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want nice things and good sex
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
