nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
