i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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