I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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