i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
